Talk About us. Motherhood and Entrepreneurship ; I am not trained for it.It is sometimes exhausting for me!
Hi there! My name is Dolors Arroyo, I am the Founder of BCN Feng Shui and if you are an entrepreneur or working mother and you have continued working during the confinement during the Coronavirus, I think that you will feel more than identified with my experience, which I would like to share with you.
Well, as I have already mentioned, I am the founder of BCN Feng Shui, which is a company created and designed to provide feng shui and interior design services to individuals and companies.
The idea was born more than seven years ago. At that time, I had a stable job, I was not yet a mother and that allowed me, along with my work partner back then, to start developing our new project.
We encountered many difficulties, given that these types of services in Spain were not known and people did not trust that this methodology would work. But I discovered that I was passionate about Feng Shui and I trained and trained, and continue to do so, to make my project become my profession.
The stability and comfort of having a salary every month, kept me from making the decision to jump in and bet on my dream. In 2013 I got pregnant.
When I became a mother, I could not reach an agreement with the company, regarding work hours, so I decided to start on my own and negotiated my dismissal.
At the same time, I was left alone in the project and began to develop a plan to find collaborators, which today has allowed us to carry out almost a hundred feng shui studies, which have improved the lives of people and companies.
The first two years of Leo, my son, were difficult. If you are a mother, perhaps you can understand me, given that the attention Leo required took up almost a hundred percent of my time, but with all of this on my plate, I continued working whenever I could and eventually, very interesting projects began to emerge.
Being an entrepreneur and a mother at the same time has been a challenge for me. The biggest difficulty I have faced is the organization of my time and the acceptance of some situations, which have arisen unexpectedly, during the journey I have traveled.
My project is important, but my family, I discovered, is much more important. And what made me come to this conclusion is to see, as in some moments, that I was prioritizing work instead of family, away from what happened on a day-to-day basis and disconnected from what really made me happy. In those moments, I was frustrated that I couldn't be present in my family's life.
My decision made the road longer and slower than I thought, but now I feel lucky and grateful to made it, and much more now in this current situation.
Another factor, which I think can affect you a lot and after what I have observed in other colleagues, who are also entrepreneurial mothers, is your couple.
I have been fortunate to receive great support from my husband and I assure you that if this had not been the case, perhaps I would have given my working project up. I am fortunate to have been able to be supported by his salary at times and I want to make an even greater recognition to all the women and men who have been alone in their process, and even so, they have moved on and achieved their goals.
During these days of confinement, working from home, I organize myself as well as I can. I am getting up at half past five in the morning, as always, so that I can have an hour that I dedicate to doing activities that make me feel good and connected to myself. From seven in the morning on, I start working until 10:00 a.m. when we all go out together to walk the dogs. We are lucky to live in the mountains and we can take roads where we do not run into anyone. Later my husband must go to work, since his profession requires him to respond to this pandemic emergency, therefore, during these days and Leo and I spend the rest of the day together, carrying out tasks that we have organized so as not to fall into boredom and total disorder.
Afternoons, depending on the day, can be a bit long, and even more so when you choose that your child should not be "bored" in front of the TV screen. Creativity and the search for activities is continuous, to get Leo's attention and have a good time together.
I am not trained for it! It is sometimes exhausting for me!
At seven o'clock in the afternoon I feel tired, but it is time for the shower, dinner, bedtime and sleeping, which will allow me to have an hour and a half more, if fatigue allows me, to do something or organize the next day.
And so it is the day to day of this confinement. If I stop to think about it, the only difference, with respect to day to day, is that the hours that Leo is supposed to be at school, I am able to continue working or dedicate time to myself. The rest does not vary at all and I observe this is our daily basis for most entrepreneur and working women.
My reflection is that there is a difference between the way of leading a man and a woman. Men sometimes prioritize their work and do not feel guilty, while women do. And why is this difference a reality? From my humble point of view, I think it has a lot to do with self-esteem and seeking external approval.
Society has made us believe that a good mother looks after her children and takes care of them properly throughout the growth stage of her kids and it is essential for the good emotional health of children. Instead, the man has been prepared to earn money and support his family with the effort of his work. How many of the children who are adults today have felt the absence of the father for always working and are emotionally healthy?
But if you look at these believes, they have evolved, against women, in today's times. Today many women are judged for being in charge of a company and they are asked if they are a good mother to their children, and why not men?
Why is it not valid for our society to be a good mother while you support your family, with the effort of your work? Why is the man who decides to stay at home raising his children not judged because her salary is higher than his?
The answer to all these questions I think is simple.
Basically you should give a shit what other people think and that's the key to everything.
It doesn't matter if you choose, being a leader, it doesn't matter if you prefer to stay at home taking care of your offspring and it doesn't matter if you want to combine both things at the same time. Nobody cares about the role that you have decided to establish in your family. If it valid for your family and makes you happy, what difference does it make?
The problem is that our Ego, lack of self-esteem and insecurity is playing a trick on us, when someone gives their opinion, freely and unexpectedly. This is the key to personal success in my humble opinion. If you develop this personal stage of your life, this confidence in yourself will really make you feel good no matter what you choose.
This is our great challenge, and I believe that we are getting closer to a change of mentality and we must take advantage of opportunities like this, in which we have time for ourselves and we can work on all these weaknesses so that they become strengths. In addition, women have a great capacity to reflect and question ourselves, and that is fantastic to cause a great change.
Written by Dolors Arroyo.
Translated by Noèlia Ribó
Pic by Jenna Norman
About the author:
I am Dolors Arroyo, since I was little I have been a leader. I often expressed my opinion and thought that I would do things to change the world and injustices. I am 40 years old. I was born in Barcelona and since I started working at the age of 16 I was aware that I wanted to be a "BOSS". Later on, I realized that what I really wanted was to do things my way.
I am the mother of Leo who is 6 years old (born in 2014) and I am the wife of Adrià (Leo's father) who is 41. Being a mother was the trigger to start the project I have been developing since 2011. From 2007 to 2014, I worked in a company to which I devoted a lot of time and effort. Motherhood gave me the strength to make the difficult decision to leave my job.
For 2 years while raising Leo, which was not a small thing, I have been collaborating with other professionals and training. In 2016 I registered in the Social Security Wealth Fare Service and the project was formalized. I was already self-employed and an entrepreneur!
But I didn't imagine things would be that difficult.
Before long, I realized that I was a very good professional, but I had no idea how a company worked and I lacked the capacity to achieve what I wanted.
I started a mentoring program in Barcelona Activa (Lidera) and trained in a business school for 2 years. I learned that by myself I would not reach my goals.
A freelancer changes time for money and my results did not allow me to have time for my family, not enough money to live the way I wanted.
The change was very positive, I realized that in order to grow, I had to lead a team and take over the management of the company.
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